Life lessons for my birthday

Life lessons for ky birthday

So today is my birthday! Another year that God has blessed me to see and I am so grateful. Every day I wake up I am grateful, because I know some people aren't that lucky, some people are sick, some are way worst off then I am and so I give thanks everyday. I can't believe how fast a year can go by but as always I try to reflect on the things that happened in the past year. I have learned many lessons which is another thing that I am grateful for.

I have learned that love comes in many forms, that you can't always pick who you will fall for. I've learned that you must be open to learning the lessons from each relationship you are in, every one teaches you something. I learned my self worth after dating men who didn't appreciate me, the prince showed me how much I bring to the table and how much a man must bring to the table as well. He taught me unconditional love and how it was them and not me, they didn't realize the diamond they had. This was such a huge lesson and something I needed to make sure was going to be reinforced going foward in my future relationships, so I decided to go back to counseling to make sure I never fall back into these patterns again.

Counseling made me realize I will always be an addict, I just change my addictions if I am not careful. It showed me how far I've come, how many things I've done dispite sometimes still hearing my ex husband's voice in my head saying you'll never make it and your nothing without me.
It also showed me that I suffer from PTSD, which I never knew I even had. But after 24 years in a verbally abusive marriage that is what happens to a person, hence still occasionally hearing his voice.

I am learning what makes me do what I do and feel what I feel and how to control and change my actions. My old AA teachings go a long way, letting me remember that you first must admit you have a problem before you can fix it, that you must take responsibility for your actions, aka my favorite saying own your shit, and to make amends for it.

This year also taught me I could do more things then I ever thought I could, like going back to school and learning public speaking. This taught me who I truly am and what my true purpose was. I, in turn have been speaking more and I am going to be pursuing this more in the following year.
I also published my second book, a huge accomplishment for me as it went off course a few times but I was determined to do this. One thing I've learned is when I am determined, nothing will stop me.

I also learned to go with the flow, losing clients, adding different jobs into my business and trusting in God to take care of me through it all. I learned that I need to pray and be thankful even in the mist of the storms. That storms don't last forever and eventually the sun will come out again. It reminds me of my mom's favorite  saying 'This too shall pass"

I lost a lot of loved ones this year, family and friends, that put a hole in my heart and had me questioning God, why? It taught me once again to live life large because it can be over in a heartbeat.

I learned some friends aren't really friends and I learned not everyone has my heart and I need to be okay with that, that was a hard one but one I am trying to get over.

I learned yet again I need my church and my faith and that it is the air that I breathe, without this I would be lost and broken again. I learned that you can stop wishing for karma for the people that hurt you because sometimes you just need to pray for them and that karma will take on all kinds of forms including self induced karma.

I learned to live my life and let karma do it's thing, eventually.
I cannot hold on to anger or bitterness or hatred, this will keep me stuck and I am going foward in this life, not backwards.

I've learned that I am not in control but God is, it is on his time not mine. I know all that is my purpose and it will come to pass as much as I know I am standing here but I can't push it, I must just trust him.
And even in the times when I fell yet again, in the dark of the night when I cried in my pillow asking "When God when?" I still have faith he will do it, but I am human and sometimes I want it now.

I've learned so much, love for life, for living in the moment, for living my life large! For the simple things like laughter, walking on the beach and  having gratitude for even the small things.

So today on my birthday I am grateful to be able to still be learning these lessons, to be able to look for the lessons, to be able and willing to change and try to make myself a better person despite of my past or my shortcomings. I am truly blessed to be able to still be doing this, my passion and my purpose, to hopefully inspire and uplift you every day.  I do this because I am no different than any of you, I screw up, I fall down, I make mistakes but I am here to keep telling you to never give up, your never too old, it's never too late, if I can do it so can you!
And as I say at the end of every blog.....
"Be the change you want to see"
 
"And just when the caterpillar thought his life over...he turned into a beautiful butterfly"

**Now released my latest book**
The Blessing in Disguise.... revealed

https://www.amazon.com/Blessing-Disguise-Revealed-story-faith/dp/1074340493/ref=sr_1_19?keywords=the+blessing+in+disguise&qid=1561392004&s=books&sr=1-19

***Now available***
My 1st book The blessing in Disguise
Selling on my website:

Http://www.treadmilltreats.com

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