The effects of verbal abuse

The effects of verbal abuse

October is National Domestic Violence month and it is a subject near and dear to my heart.
So all through this month I will be writing about it, to try to open your eyes about what it actually does to the victims.

Today I want to present you with some facts about this devastating crime and the lasting effects it can have.

This is not just me telling you, these are actual facts and reports from the top researchers on what domestic violence and verbal abuse can and will do to people and let me tell you it's really scary.

According to the CDC, they
released a study in 2008, 
that surveyed more than 70,000 Americans and the
results were staggering. These are the results of  that survey. 

23.6% of women and 
11.5% of men reported at 
least one lifetime episode
of intimate partner violence.

In households with incomes under $15,000  per year, 35.5% of women
and 20.7% of men suffered violence from an intimate partner.

· 43% of women and 
26% of men in multiracial 
non-Hispanic households  suffered partner violence.

Harvard university put out
there own study on verbal
abuse, they went on to say: 

Scolding, swearing, yelling,
blaming, insulting, 
threatening, ridiculing,  demeaning & criticizing can 
be as harmful as physical abuse, sexual abuse outside the home or witnessing 
physical abuse at home.

The report suggests that,
when verbal abuse is constant 
and severe, it creates a risk of 
post-traumatic stress disorder,
The same type of psychological 
collapse experienced by combat troops in Iraq.

The research on which the 
report is based points out that 
children who are the target of 
frequent verbal mistreatment 
exhibit higher rates of physical aggression, delinquency, and social problems than other
children.

Other researchers have associated childhoodverbal abuse with
a significantly higher risk of  developing unstable, angry personalities, narcissistic  behavior, obsessive-compulsive disorders, and 
paranoia.

“Verbal abuse may also have more lasting  consequences than other forms of abuse, because it’s often more continuous,” 
says Teicher.

 “And in combination with
physcal abuse and neglect, may produce the most dire 
outcome.There are always 
signs, yet we chose to ignore
them, here are a few:

Do they...

*Make derogatory comments 
about a group you belong to (gender, career, religion, etc.)

This comment might end
with "I mean them, not you."

*Make fun of or insult your
ideas, behaviors, or beliefs?

*Make negative comments about people, places or  things that you love?

*Say things that are almost
true about you, but leave you 
wanting to defend  yourself?

*Say, "What? It was just a joke!" to dismiss a remark
that offends you?

*Ask you questions about something that just  happened and reply to your 
answers, "Do you care to think about that and  answer the quetion again" 
or just sit there, staring at
you, in a way that lets you 
know your answer wasn't 
"right"?

*Engage you in long 
converstions about things onwhich you disagree until 
you reach the point of wanting to say, "Okay.  Whatever. You're right!" 
Or insist that you repeat 
what they said and then, 
later, claim,
"You agreed with me!"

*Somehow manage to physically back you into a 
corner or somewhere you cannot easily escape during
intense conversations?

*Break you down until you say
 your sorry about a fight you were clearly are in the right 
about?

These are signs of how you feel
when you are with them. 
Do you feel...

*Nervous when approaching them with  
certain topics?

*Insulted because of their
use of foul language or does their use of foul language change the 
meaning of otherwise
normal requests? 
Such as: "Could you f*ck*ng tell me how much f*ck*ng longer it will be before you're ready for dinner?"

*A need to tell on yourself about innocent events in  case the person hears about 
it later?

*Misunderstood for the  most part, in your  relationship?   

Do you doubt...

*Your sanity, intelligence, orcommunication skills  because of difficulties  relating to them?

*Your memories when it  comes to recalling  conversations or events with the person because their take on it is so  different from your own?

Ask yourself these questions
and be brutally honest with
the answers because these
are the signs. 

Victims of verbal abuse may:

*Have difficulty forming  conclusions and making decisions.

*Feel or accept that there  is something wrong with  them on a basic level.

I am here to tell you all of this is true as I was in a verbally abusive marriage for 24 years.
I know how it feels to be yelled at, put down, belittled, told you are stupid and that you could never do anything right.

I spent years crying myself to sleep, thinking I could never get out of this relationship because I didn't think I could make it on my own. His words rang over and over in my head, I'd be nothing without him, he would take my girls, I'd  be living in a box under 95...over and over until I was stuck in fear.

When I finally had the courage to leave I made it my mission to help other women, to make sure my words touched their hearts, to be able to uplift and give encouragement to someone else who may need it. To constantly put the word out about this silent killer of lives and souls.

This will never go away if we keep quiet about it.
It has to be spoken of, we have to shine the light on this dark topic and show these men and women that even though you may not raise your hands to us, you are still a abusiver!

So today my friends, I beg you to reach out, to help others who are literally stuck in these relationships, give them a way to get out, donate to your local women's shelters. You don't realize how small and precious the joy is of just coming home not being afraid and just being happy is until you walked in our shoes.

 
"Be the change you want to see"
 
"And just when the caterpillar thought his life over...he turned into a beautiful butterfly"

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